Skip to main content

Wait - Don't click Reply or Reply-All!

Image
By
 +
JMJ

 This is a general help to working in an virtual world ... for the record I came to the following realization 2+ years ago - well before COVID.

So, how did I come by this approach ...

I was involved in a conflict resolution / negotiation between two organizations and the emails were flying back and forth between the sides.

It was a death spiral for a relationship already in tatters.

I was in a hotel room when I received one of the inflammatory emails. 

But this time something changed ...

After reading the first few words ... not even a whole sentence,  I felt myself getting angry.

I stopped reading and set it aside to go to a meeting with my colleagues. There was talk about the latest email and it wasn't good.

Over the next few days I picked up the letter several times between meetings, got angry and set it down.

Each time I made it a little further.

When I finally read the letter through in its entirety, I paused ... read it again ... and noticed a phrase that could be interpreted as a concession by our counterparts. 

This was a breakthrough for the negotiations.

There were 10 other people reading the email and no one else noticed the ambiguous phrase.

It was also a breakthrough for me.

Stopping when I am aware of an emotional trigger is my new super power.

It helps me to put some objectivity space between myself and the words on the paper or screen.

Summary

  1. Be aware when a communication (written, verbal, non-verbal) causes an emotional response.  This can be anger, confusion, sadness and even happiness.
  2. Set it aside for a period of time commensurate with the degree of emotional response you feel.  The stronger the emotion, the longer the time.
  3. After cooling off, re-read it or replay it in your mind.  If you get emotionally triggered again, go to step 2.
  4. Reflection
    1. For written communications read it through in its entirety- pause for a minute and then rinse and repeat!  Black out the zero-content words & phrases (I sometimes take a marker and block them out) and look for the key content.
    2. For verbal / non-verbal communications, think them through and think about why you had the emotional response, what exactly evoked it and (most importantly) what did you do / say that may caused them to react?
  5. Take Action
    1. Written Comms: Write a careful response looking at the key elements.
    2. Verbal /Non-Verbal: Be aware of your triggers and emotional state.  Think in advance how you will handle and re-direct the trigger.

Conclusion

 We are all susceptible to emotional triggers that cause us to react instead of respond. The more we are unaware of our emotional state, the more we can be manipulated by people adept at such maneuvers. 

So, be aware of your emotions, be wary of your reaction.  Your emotions are telling you that something in your sub-conscious has recognized a pattern.  You need to check if there is a rational foundation (ie.think principles).

It is important to pause and reflect, in this age of immediate gratification, we are too quick and react poorly.


P^3

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Curious Case of Steve Skojec and the Dangers of Deep Diving into the Crisis Sub-Titled: The Failings of Others

By
 + JMJ It's been a while now since Steve Skojec sold 1P5 and abandoned the Catholic Faith. I've been a 'Trad' since 1982 and in those 40+ years I seen this death-spiral before with a similar end point. It seems that anyone who jumps into the fray unprepared for the enormous task of righting wrongs will, eventually, become discouraged by not the task but the people who surround them.   I remember when Skojec complained of the treatment his family received from a traditional priest.  This seems to have been the start of the end for him. So what can we learn from the likes of Steve Skojec, Michael Voris (maybe?), Louie Verrecchio, Gerry Matatix and other celebrity Catholics? Probably quite a lot about what not to do. First, don't burn out on the crisis?  When you burn out, on work or anything else, little things assume a more greater importance than they are due.   This is one of my 'canary in the coal mine' signals that I've been stretching myself too th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Communique about Avrille Dominicans - SSPX.org

By
+ JMJ Having completed the review of the 'Avrille' perspective, this communique from the French District Superior is perfectly timed. I believe that the 'resistance' has lost rationality and further argumentation simply results in their holding on to their false ideal all the more firmly. Pray much ... First, for them to acquiesce to the grace of humility in order to obtain a clear perspective on the principles involved. Second, that we may remain faithful to the Church, and Her Dogmas, Doctrines and Principles. Lest we become that which against we strove ... P^3 Courtesy of SSPX.org
Post a Comment
Read more

Morning and Evening and other sundry Prayers

By
+ JMJ Along the theme of P^3 (Prayer, Penance, Patience), and for my own reference ... here is a collection of Morning and Evening prayers from the Ideal Daily Missal along with some additional prayers. In this crisis of the Church, I do not think it is possible to do too much prayer, penance and have patience. P^3
Post a Comment
Read more

Tradical Commentary on: Restore DC Catholicism: SSPX And Austrilian Bishops - Two Different Errors

By
+ JMJ An interesting thing has happened on the discussion that prompted my article on whether it is sinful to attend the Novus Ordo Missae .  The blog owner of RDCC has shut down discussion by locking the article. That is their prerogative, but I am puzzled as to why? Perhaps it has something to do with some of the latter comments. They didn't believe the teaching on intention with regards to confecting the Sacraments.  This is not the first time I've experienced incredulity on this topic ( reference articles ). Really this isn't about what they believe but the truth. They seem to believe that the objections to the Novus Ordo Missae are simply about "overly delicate sensibilities".  In response to this I am reblogging a number of articles by the SSPX. Perhaps it was the comment made by Bishop Schneider, a currently well revered hero (who deserved the accolades) but apparently has said something similar to the SSPX.   I suspect that it is more...
Post a Comment
Read more

Magisterium and Levels of Assent

By
+ JMJ Understanding the levels of assent to be given to the teachings of the Church is a critical success factor in walking the knife's edge during this crisis of the Church.  The levels of assent are generally associated with the theological grades of certainty, which are not surprisingly mirrored by the censures for contravening the teachings of the various levels.
Post a Comment
Read more