Wait - Don't click Reply or Reply-All!

 +

JMJ

 This is a general help to working in an virtual world ... for the record I came to the following realization 2+ years ago - well before COVID.

So, how did I come by this approach ...

I was involved in a conflict resolution / negotiation between two organizations and the emails were flying back and forth between the sides.

It was a death spiral for a relationship already in tatters.

I was in a hotel room when I received one of the inflammatory emails. 

But this time something changed ...

After reading the first few words ... not even a whole sentence,  I felt myself getting angry.

I stopped reading and set it aside to go to a meeting with my colleagues. There was talk about the latest email and it wasn't good.

Over the next few days I picked up the letter several times between meetings, got angry and set it down.

Each time I made it a little further.

When I finally read the letter through in its entirety, I paused ... read it again ... and noticed a phrase that could be interpreted as a concession by our counterparts. 

This was a breakthrough for the negotiations.

There were 10 other people reading the email and no one else noticed the ambiguous phrase.

It was also a breakthrough for me.

Stopping when I am aware of an emotional trigger is my new super power.

It helps me to put some objectivity space between myself and the words on the paper or screen.

Summary

1. Be aware when a communication (written, verbal, non-verbal) causes an emotional response.  This can be anger, confusion, sadness and even happiness.
2. Set it aside for a period of time commensurate with the degree of emotional response you feel.  The stronger the emotion, the longer the time.
   
3. After cooling off, re-read it or replay it in your mind.  If you get emotionally triggered again, go to step 2.
4. Reflection
1. For written communications read it through in its entirety- pause for a minute and then rinse and repeat!  Black out the zero-content words & phrases (I sometimes take a marker and block them out) and look for the key content.
   
2. For verbal / non-verbal communications, think them through and think about why you had the emotional response, what exactly evoked it and (most importantly) what did you do / say that may caused them to react?
5. Take Action
   
1. Written Comms: Write a careful response looking at the key elements.
2. Verbal /Non-Verbal: Be aware of your triggers and emotional state.  Think in advance how you will handle and re-direct the trigger.

Conclusion

 We are all susceptible to emotional triggers that cause us to react instead of respond. The more we are unaware of our emotional state, the more we can be manipulated by people adept at such maneuvers. 

So, be aware of your emotions, be wary of your reaction.  Your emotions are telling you that something in your sub-conscious has recognized a pattern.  You need to check if there is a rational foundation (ie.think principles).

It is important to pause and reflect, in this age of immediate gratification, we are too quick and react poorly.

P^3