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Your Future Spouse (Part 3) Justice

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JMJ

Asking the two question from Part 2 are probably easier than answering them ...

As a quick refresher, the two questions were:
  1. Man asks: Is this a woman that I can love above myself, can I nourish her (I don't mean just with the basics of life) and cherish her?
  2. Woman asks: Is this a man to whom I can respect and honour enough to willingly submit? 
 I believe the key will be to understanding the level of virtue that each prospective spouse possesses. (NB. from this point I'm going to list the 'prospective souse' as 'propect' ... a little sales lingo, but I don't have time to think of a better label.)

My study of the virtues culminated in this article, and I think the first place to plumb the depths is their relationship with their parents and siblings.

This falls squarely under the virtue of Justice and we can expand on it.

Justice is basically giving everyone what they deserve. A quick aside, not what we think they deserve... but what they deserve - because of their relationship with the 'prospect'.

Hints and Thoughts

  • Principle: 
    • In watching the person do they demonstrate a sense of Justice, giving what respect people deserve because of their relationship with them?
  • Religion: 
    • What is their demeanour at Mass?  
    • Do they go to the Traditional Mass?  
    • Do they have a grasp of the difference between the Novus Ordo Missae (NOM) and the Traditional Missae?  
    • Can they understand and come to the realisation that the orientation of the NOM is man and therefore not giving its due to God?
  • Piety: 
    • What are their attitude and actions like to their country and even more importantly towards their parents? 
    • Did they have a good relationship with their parents?  
    • Are they the children of divorce?  
    • How is their relationship with the parent who did not have primary custody?  
    • How about their relationship with the parent who had primary custody?  
    • Do they have an obsession with blaming one of the parents?  
    • Do they have to bring up some tragedy in every conversation? 
    • Is every conversation drawn towards the challenges that they have faced and overcome?  (more on this later in the series ... if I remember). 
    •  Do they respect parents because they are their parents ... or because they were 'nice' to them.  
    • Nota Bene: This is all incredibly important because if they come from a broken home where there was huge (or even moderate strife) they will probably have a malformed notion of what it takes to be a good husband / wife.  
    • Caveat Emptor: Tread very carefully if the prospect doesn't have a solid family experience either through the early death of a parent or divorce.
  • Gratitude
    • Are they grateful for what they have received, understanding that God has ultimately given them everything as a free gift?
    • Nota Bene: As noted in this article on gratitude, a Traditional Catholic who isn't grateful for the free gift granted by God will, probably, at some point become bitter and discontented.  Their 'Traditionalism' isn't built upon humility, but ultimately pride.  Watch out because this can lead to a particuluar narrowing of perspective which is worse than blindness because they will only see what is right in front of them (figuratively where they want to look).
  • Liberality
    • Are they generous of spirit? This is important because being a parent requires generosity!
  • Affability
    • Do they treat all people with the same kindness and respect?  This is where it is important to watch how they interact with other people, who they favour with their attention, who the ignore etc.
Ok so this looks like it is negative ... and it is.  Why?  Because the absence of virtue is more important that its presence.  A person can grow in virtue, but if the prospect has significant issues with any of these virtues, then tread lightly and carry a big Crucifix in front of which to pray if you've developed an attachment to this person. 

Steal yourself to make a big sacrifice for the right reasons, and discuss your observations with someone wise who you respect and trust.  Someone who has been married for a number of year with a number of children would be a good bet ... obviously your parents are a good point.  Additional counselors are also good because your parents may be biased in some ways and a 4th party may help to bring perspective to the ruminations.

P^3








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