Your Future Spouse (Part 1)

JMJ

Assuming that the vocation of at least some of my children will be marriage, it slowly dawned upon me that it would be good to pull together some thoughts on what to look for in a spouse.

As an opener, there is something that people don't seem to do enough: Take time to talk about the facets of life that really matter.

Why? Well, because this way you'll be able to build a foundation for a Catholic Life together in accordance with the Catholic Wedding Vows: For Better for Worse ...

There are three steps in the journey to a solid lasting relationship.

The base is communication. Without this (as management gurus repeat ad nauseum) nothing can be accomplished. Frankly, they are correct and from my reading, the reason why communication is essential is that it is the enabler of forming a shared understanding of the goals, challenges and how each understand that challenges. This is the first step in making certain that both have sufficient overlap in how they understand the challenge (ie married life in the 'modern' world). If that overlap is lacking, then as the fight pilots say when in a death spiral: Eject, Eject, Eject!

Now, assuming that you've established that there is a shared understanding on the challenge of married life, the next step is coordination. The conversations should be about how they see each other working together to achieve the goals of a Catholic marriage. As long as both have a true shared understanding of marriage, then they will be able to explore and arrive at an understanding of how they will both act together as a married couple.

Finally, we arrive at the most feared aspect of a Catholic Marriage: Commitment. This is also a key to successful Catholic Marriages as when commitment is lacking when a significant unplanned obstacle that is when even Catholic marriages will fall apart. Now having the other two elements established helps to get that commitment, but it isn't necessarily one-and-done. First you have to reach commitment and then you both need to work to maintain and INCREASE that commitment. This way you'll have a reserve of commitment ready for those extra taxing events that happen throughout any and all marriages.

Finally, here's the Catholic Wedding Vows that express the commitment:

I, N., take thee, N., to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, till death do us part; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

P^3

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