Skip to main content

A Little Satire from the Remnant: Turbo New Evangelization Now Here

Image
By
+
JMJ

Sometimes a little truth lightens the mood!

Courtesy of the Remnant

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Turbo New Evangelization Now Here

Written by  M. T. Church

Ima Cardinal Hairatik
A-CNN Super-Duper Report—A reliable Vatican spokesperson, Cardinal Ima Hairatik, startled the Catholic world by declaring that the Holy Eucharist, formerly believed to be the Body and Blood of Christ, is merely blessed bread and wine offered as a remembrance of Christ’s words at the Last Supper.

Henceforth, the following guidelines will be instituted in “catholic” churches throughout the world:
* In the true spirit of Vatican II, liturgical worship services, formerly known as The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, will be referred to as a community gathering where love and fellowship will be enjoyed by all.

* The priest, formerly referred to as “celebrant”, will be designated as a “presider” who will utilize his talents to entertain the congregation in a spirit of joyful fellowship. Since the element of sacrifice has been removed from the liturgy, the words “sin”, “hell” and “penance” should be used very rarely from the pulpit and never in the same sentence.

* The Tabernacle, once believed to enclose the Real Presence of Our Lord, may be moved to a side altar or totally hidden if preferred by the pastor and/or pastoral council.

* There will be no need to genuflect, kneel or display unnecessary rigid piety.

* The word “Catholic” will only be used with a small “c” to indicate “universal” since the former Holy, Roman Catholic Church, which boasted “The Real Presence”, was filled with pride, hostility and stuffiness. 

* Holy Communion railings will be removed since there is no need to kneel in adoration for bread and wine.

* Symbolic “communion” may be distributed by anyone to anyone by placing the bread in the hand and offering a gulp of the wine from any ordinary vessel.

* The casual welcoming atmosphere does not require any special attire, head coverings for women, silence or reverence in any manner. 

* Somber, boring sacred music will be replaced with upbeat tunes played with any instruments and sung by pop music enthusiasts performing in what once was considered the Holy Sanctuary.

* In spite of the priest’s ordination, there is no hierarchy at this Community banquet. The priest presides from the man-centered throne where the Tabernacle was once located as a place of honor.

* When the Bishop of Rome (formerly referred to as “The Pope”) presides over mega Community meals, such as World Youth Day, there will be no need to protect the “eucharist” since it is only bread and wine. The wafer can be handled from hand to hand and wine distributed in plastic cups. Clean-up is a breeze when you don’t have to worry about those nasty fragments.

* Priests vestments, once symbolic of the passion of Our Lord, can be designed in any fashion including the current rage---the rainbow.

* Consuming bread and wine, even if symbolic of Our Lord’s Body and Blood, does not require any examination of conscience or the unbending “State of Grace” decree. Remember, this is a welcoming community. Who are we to judge?

* Receiving blessed bread and wine requires only a symbolic fast. One hour will suffice if it not too inconvenient.

* Crucifixes and statues of Our Lady, St. Joseph and the saints should be removed or, at least, minimalized not to offend our non-“catholic” brethren.

* Since even atheists can go to Heaven, it is not absolutely necessary to attend these community services on Sundays and Holy Days. After all, you won’t be missing out on receiving the Body and Blood of Christ. You will, however, miss out on having a really fun time.

Welcome to the NEW “catholic” church of the future. 

By the way, this article is satire-- or is it? God help us, can you actually tell the difference anymore?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The myth of the Hermeneutic of Continuity - Rorate Caeli

By
+ JMJ Interestingly the complete acceptance of the Second Vatican Council (without reservations) is required of the SSPX. Just when people are starting to wonder how it came to this! Courtesy of Rorate Caeli P^3
Post a Comment
Read more

A Look Back: Archbishop Lefebvre’s Prophetic Address to The Remnant, 1976

By
 + JMJ  Looking back is important to understand why we are where we are in this crisis. Courtesy of RemnantNewsPaper  P^3 FOR THE FIRST TIME ONLINE: Archbishop Lefebvre’s Prophetic Address to The Remnant, 1976 Written by  Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre Introduction by Michael J. Matt More than forty years ago—during the disastrous reign of Pope Paul VI, the latest candidate for a Vatican-issued Halo Award, by the way—my father, Walter L. Matt, organized the first large scale public reception in the U.S. for the late Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre. It was held at the Radisson South Hotel, Minneapolis, on Tuesday, May 12, 1976, and its stated purpose was to assist the Archbishop in gaining a stronger foothold for the Society of St. Pius X in the States during the unprecedented crisis Blessed Pope Paul had helped unleash on the Church. On that occasion Archbishop Lefebvre delivered ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Of the Church and the Pope - Fr. Calmel O.P.

By
+ JMJ Once again, looking back to see if the 'Traditional Catholics' in the early days of this crisis of the Church had a sufficient view to realize the roots of the crisis. The root: The Pope Hence when the Pope is 'righted' the Church will be 'righted'. P^3 Courtesy of SSPXasia Fr. Roger Calmel, O.P. This essay by Fr. Roger Calmel, O.P. (1914-75) helps us in these difficult times to preserve our love of the Church. More than 30 years after its first publication, this article retains all its relevance, so much so that it even seems to have been written for our time, in which the crisis in the Church deepens at an unprecedented pace. This essay will help the reader to think clearly, keep the Faith, and maintain serenity in the troubled times we are navigating. “My country has hurt m e,”wrote a young poet in 1944 during the purge 1 when the head of state [Charles De Gaulle] implacably pursued the sinister job that had been in the wo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Canonical Mission and State of Emergency - A Response to Mr. John Salza - Part B

By
 +  JMJ  I was trying to think of a way to map out the time course I discussed in Part A of this article.  Early this morning it came to me that this is more about obedience and duty than canon law.  As is my wont, I mapped out my thoughts (see image) to draw linkages between the core concepts. My conclusion is that, at least subjectively, Archbishop Lefebvre had sufficient information to make good decisions concerning whether or not he was obliged to obey.  I know that the Jesuits, some Sedevacantists and the priests that left over the years will not agree with my thoughts. So be it.  The core pieces of information include: Attacks against the SSPX were launched because they kept the Tridentine Mass and the pre-conciliar understanding of the Truths of the Faith. The authorities in the Church were willing to go against the laws of the Church. The same authorities encouraged the various dangers to the Faith embedded in popular interpretations of ambiguo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Validity of new rite of episcopal consecrations - Courtesy of SSPX.org

By
+ JMJ In the blogosphere there are number of responses to this crisis in the Catholic Church that lead to conclusions that run counter to Catholic Doctrine and Dogmas - if taken to their logical conclusion. The validity of the New Rite of Episcopal consecrations is one such hotspot within more extreme sections of the 'traditionalist' culture. Validity of new rite of episcopal consecrations Courtesy of SSPX.org Why the new rite of episcopal consecration is valid Introduction This comprehensive study was compiled to settle a debate that has been circulating in traditional Catholic circles. Some writers have examined the new rite of episcopal consecration and concluded that it must be invalid. Since this would cause manifest problems if it were true and due to the heightened awareness of such a theory, we present a study of this question concluding that it is valid. Following the Council, in 1968 a new rite for the ordination of bishops was promulg...
1 comment
Read more