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JMJ
Update can be found at the end of the post.
Introduction
What are the extents and limits of the Commandment to Honour Thy Father and Thy Mother?
As children get older and they become adults, there is bound to be a transition in the relationship between themselves and their parents.
While some may experience this earlier in the teenage years, from a moral point of view, the real onset where it matters is when they reach adulthood. Understanding the context and obligations in the two states (emancipated vs unemancipated) is probably going to be an important factor in how smoothly the transition occurs.
I’m going to
undertake this study using three four resources:
Catechism of the Council of Trent (aka The Roman Catechism) – ~1562 Translation 1923 based on translations from 1902, 1907 and 1914
Handbook of Moral Theology (Fr. Dominc Prummer OP) – 1955
- Moral Theology (Frs. McHugh and Callan) – 1958
- Moral Theology (Fr. Heribert Jone, Transl. Fr. Adelman) - 1961
- A Brief Catechism for Adults (Fr. Cogan) - 1951 (new)
Discussion
The first question to resolve is what does it mean to Honour someone?
To honour is to think respectfully of anyone, and to hold in the highest esteem all that relates to him. It includes love, respect, obedience and reverence
From this comes the motivation or reason parents should be honoured. The short answer is that parents are entitled to be honoured because we:
Have received existence from them,
God ‘made use of’ them to infuse into us a soul and reason,
were brought to the Sacraments by them,
received religious instruction from them,
were “schooled” in right conduct and holiness,
and “trained in civil and human knowledge”.
In short, there is a duty to honour our parents because of the debt that we owe them far exceeds any debt owed to another mortal human being (obviously aside from OLJC and the BVM).
The way we honour our parents, according to the Catechism is by
loving them,
praying (supplicating) to God for their prosperity and happiness,
submission to their wishes and inclinations,
imitation of their good example,
not only asking for, but following their advice,
relieve them of their material necessities (especially in times of severe illness),
attending their funerals,
procuring for them suitable obsequies and burial
having due suffrages and anniversary Masses offered for them, and
faithfully executing their last wills.
It is obvious to Catholics that Parents have duties towards their children. Those items are discussed in the references.
The next part of the question is what are the extents of the obligation to honour our parents.
I can see no limits to loving, praying imitating, and helping our parents, especially when in need. The same goes for attending their funerals, having masses said for their repose etc.
The point of contention will be in “submission to their wishes and inclinations and the reception of advice. These may be moderated with age and wisdom of the child in question.
There is no doubt that there is an obligation of obedience on the part of unemancipated children living with their parents. Nor is there any doubt of an obligation of obedience on the part of emancipated children no longer living with their parents and it seems that the case may be made for a change in obligation for those minors / unemancipated children living away from home.
However, there is the question of children who have reached the age of majority (emancipation) that continue to live with their parents. It seems reasonable, for due order in the household, that those adults abiding in the home of their parents abide by the house rules.
Prummer seems to agree in this regard as there are three parts required to modify the duty of obedience to parents. First is that of age, second whether or not they are living in the home of their parents and finally the nature of the command or rule:
461 … There are two limits to be placed to the obedience due to parents even in lawful matters: I) one of duration, in so far as the duty ceases once the child after attaining his majority or emancipation begins to live away from the parental home; b) in the choice of a state of life, and therefore even minors are free to choose in this matter and parents commit sin by compelling their children to embrace any particular state of life. ... (Handbook of Moral Theology – Prummer)
This is completely aligned with the obligations for obedience to a superior’s command. It makes sense as the Catholic Religion is a reasonable one and generally based on principles.
In addition, children who continue to live at home ‘should’ (not must) support the maintenance of the home.
Children who live at home with their parents should contribute from their earnings or individual property to the maintenance of the home, unless the parents do not need this pay and do not wish it. (Moral Theology - McHugh and Callan 2633b)
So once a child moves out of the parental home, they cease in being subject to the ‘rules of the house’ unless they are in said house. Of course, this also means that the parent responsibility for the actions of the child are significantly reduced.
Conclusion
So the conclusion from the references is that an adult child still bears a duty of obedience to their parents so long as they live within the parental home. For children who are neither emancipated nor at or over the age of majority, the obligation for obedience is in full force. Lastly, there is the case of a child who does not live in the parental home. In this case it seems likely that provision for supporting the family is removed and the duty of obedience remains.
This last part was not explicitly discussed so I am making an assumption.
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| Graphical Summary |
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References
Catechism of the Council of Trent
Fathers McHugh and Callan cited the Catechism of the Council of Trent as a primary reference.
2436. We shall not give here any special treatment of the Decalogue. Rather we refer the reader to the excellent explanations that are contained in Part III of The Catechism of the Council of Trent. Moreover, each of the Commandments has been treated in the present work, chiefly in the Articles on justice, and supplementary matter can be drawn from some others of its articles. For the sake of convenience, however, we give here a list of references, showing the passages of this Moral Theology in which the Commandments of the Decalogue are explained.
For specific cases concerning the Fourth Commandment they then make the following note:
(d) For the Fourth Commandment read on the virtues of piety, reverence, obedience and gratitude (2344 sqq.). Other matter will be found under charity (1158 sqq., 1211 sqq.) and under the duties of particular states.
The relevant text can be found in pages 246 – 252 of the Catechism of the Council of Trent and are reproduced below.
THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT : "Honour thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be long lived upon the land which the lord thy god will give thee."
Relative Importance Of The Preceding And The Following Commandments
The preceding Commandments are supreme both in dignity and in importance; but those which follow rank next in order because of their necessity. For the first three tend directly to God; while the object of the others is the charity we owe to our neighbour, although even these are ultimately referred to God, since we love our neighbour on account of God, our last end. Hence Christ our Lord has declared that the two Commandments which inculcate the love of God and of our neighbour are like unto each other.
Importance Of Instruction On The Fourth Commandment
The advantages arising from the present subject can scarcely be expressed in words; for not only does it bring with it its own fruit, and that in the richest abundance and of superior excellence, but it also affords a test of our obedience to and observance of the first Commandment. He that loveth not his brother whom he seeth, says St. John, how can he love God whom he seeth not? In like manner, if we do not honour and reverence our parents whom we ought to love next to God and whom we continually see, how can we honour or reverence God, the supreme and best of parents, whom we see not? Hence we can easily perceive the similarity between these two Commandments.
The application of this Commandment is of very great extent. Besides our natural parents, there are many others whose power, rank, usefulness, exalted functions or office, entitle them to parental honour.
Furthermore.(this Commandment) lightens the labor of parents and superiors; for their chief care is that those under them should live according to virtue and the divine Law. Now the performance of this duty will be considerably facilitated, if it be known by all that highest honour to parents is an obligation, sanctioned and commanded by God.
The Two Tables Of The Law
To impress the mind with this truth it will be found useful to distinguish the Commandments of the first, from those of the second table. This distinction, therefore, the pastor should first explain.
Let him begin by showing that the divine precepts of the Decalogue were written on two tables, one of which, in the opinion of the holy Fathers, contained the three preceding, while the rest were given on the second table.
This order of the Commandments is especially appropriate, since the very collocation points out to us their difference in nature. For whatever is commanded or prohibited in Scripture by the divine law springs from one of two principles, the love of God or of our neighbour: one or the other of these is the basis of every duty required of us. The three preceding Commandments teach us the love which we owe to God; and the other seven, the duties which we owe to our neighbour and to public society. The arrangement, therefore, which assigns some of the Commandments to the first and others to the second table is not without good reason.
In the first three Commandments, which have been explained, God, the supreme good, is, as it were, the subject matter; in the others, it is the good of our neighbour. The former require the highest love, the latter the love next to the highest. The former have to do with our last end, the latter with those things that lead us to our end.
Again, the love of God terminates in God Himself, for God is to be loved above all things for His own sake; but the love of our neighbour originates in, and is to be regulated by, the love of God. If we love our parents, obey our masters, respect our superiors, our ruling principle in doing so should be that God is their Creator, and wishes to give pre-eminence to those by whose cooperation He governs and protects other men; and as He requires that we yield a dutiful respect to such persons, we should do so, because He deems them worthy of this honour. If, then, we honour our parents, the tribute is paid to God rather than to man. Accordingly we read in St. Matthew concerning duty to superiors: He that receiveth you, receiveth me; and the Apostle in his Epistle to the Ephesians, giving instruction to servants, says: Servants, be obedient to them that are your lords according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the simplicity of your heart, as to Christ: not serving to the eye, as it were pleasing men, but as the servants of Christ.
Moreover, no honour, no piety, no devotion can be rendered to God sufficiently worthy of Him, since love of Him admits of infinite increase. Hence our charity should become every day more fervent towards Him, who commands us to love Him with our whole heart, our whole soul, and with all our strength. The love of our neighbour, on the contrary, has its limits, for the Lord commands us to love our neighbour as ourselves.
To outstep these limits by loving our neighbour as we love God would be an enormous crime. If any man come to me, says the Lord and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also; he cannot be my disciple. In the same way, to one who would first attend the burial of his father, and then follow Christ, it was said: Let the dead bury their dead; and the same lesson is more clearly conveyed in St. Matthew: He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me.
Parents, no doubt, are to be highly loved and respected; but religion requires that supreme honour and homage be given to Him alone, who is the Creator and Father of all, and that all our love for our earthly parents be referred to our eternal Father who is in heaven. Should, however, the injunctions of parents be at any time opposed to the Commandments of God, children are, o{ course, to prefer the will of God to the desires of their Parents, always keeping in view the divine maxim: We ought to obey God rather than men.
Explanation of the Fourth Commandment: "Honour"
After these preliminaries the pastor should explain the words of the Commandment, beginning with honour. To honour is to think respectfully of anyone, and to hold in the highest esteem all that relates to him. It includes love, respect, obedience and reverence.
Very properly, then, is the word honour used here in preference to the word fear or love, although parents are also to be much loved and feared. Respect and reverence are not always the accompaniments of love; neither is love the inseparable companion of fear; but honour, when proceeding from the heart, combines both fear and love.
"Thy Father"
The pastor should next explain who they are, whom the Commandment designates as fathers; for although the law refers primarily to our natural fathers, yet the name belongs to others also, and these seem to be indicated in the Commandment, as we can easily gather from numerous passages of Scripture. Besides our natural fathers, then, there are others who in Scripture are called fathers, as was said above, and to each of these proper honour is due.
In the first place, the prelates of the Church, her pastors and priests are called fathers, as is evident from the Apostle, who, writing to the Corinthians, says: I write not these things to confound you; but I admonish you as my dearest children. For if you have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet not many fathers. For in Christ Jesus by the gospel I have begotten you. It is also written in Ecclesiasticus: Let us praise men of renown, and our fathers in their generation.
Those who govern the State, to whom are entrusted power, magistracy, or command, are also called fathers; thus Naaman was called father by his servants.
The name father is also applied to those to whose care, fidelity, probity and wisdom others are committed, such as teachers, instructors masters and guardians; and hence the sons of the Prophets called Elias and Eliseus their father. Finally, aged men, advanced in years, we also call fathers.
Why Parents Should Be Honoured
In his instructions the pastor should chiefly emphasise the obligation of honouring all who are entitled to be called fathers, especially our natural fathers, of whom the divine Commandment particularly speaks. They are, so to say, images of the immortal God. In them we behold a picture of our own origin; from them we have received existence, them God made use of to infuse into us a soul and reason, by them we were led to the Sacraments, instructed in our religion, schooled in right conduct and holiness, and trained in civil and human knowledge.
"And Thy Mother"
The pastor should teach that the name mother is mentioned in this Commandment, in order to remind us of her benefits and claims in our regard, of the care and solicitude with which she bore us, and of the pain and labor with which she gave us birth and brought us up.
Manner Of Honouring Parents
The honour which children are commanded to pay to their parents should be the spontaneous offering of sincere and dutiful love. This is nothing more than their due, since for love of us, they shrink from no labor, no exertion, no danger. Their highest pleasure it is to fed that they are loved by their children, the dearest objects of their affection. Joseph, when he enjoyed in Egypt the highest station and the most ample power after the king himself, received with honour his father, who had come into Egypt. Solomon rose to meet his mother as she approached; and having paid her respect, placed her on a royal throne on his right hand.
We also owe to our parents other duties of respect, such as to supplicate God in their behalf, that they may lead prosperous and happy lives, beloved and esteemed by all who know them, and most pleasing in the sight of God and of the Saints in heaven.
We also honour them by submission to their wishes and inclinations. My son, says Solomon, hear the instructon of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother; that grace may be added to thy head, and a chain of gold to thy neck. Of the same kind are the exhortations of St. Paul. Children, he says, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is just; and also, children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. (This doctrine) is confirmed by the example of the holiest men. Isaac, when bound for sacrifice by his father, meekly and uncomplainingly obeyed; and the Rechabites, not to depart from the counsel of their father, always abstained from wine.
We also honour our parents by the imitation of their good example; for, to seek to resemble closely anyone is the highest mark of esteem towards him. We also honour them when we not only ask, but follow their advice.
Again we honour our parents when we relieve their necessities, supplying them with necessary food and clothing according to these words of Christ, who, when reproving the impiety of the Pharisees, said: Why do you also transgress the commandments of God because of your traditions? For God said: "Honour thy father and thy mother," and "He that shall curse father or mother let him die the death." But you say: "Whosoever shall say to his father or mother, The gift whatsoever proceedeth from me, shall profit thee." And he shall not honour his father or his mother; and you have made void the commandment of God for your tradition.
But if at all times it is our duty to honour our parents, this duty becomes still more imperative when they are visited by severe illness. We should then see to it that they do not neglect confession and the other Sacraments which every Christian should receive at the approach of death. We should also see that pious and religious persons visit them frequently to strengthen their weakness, assist them by their counsel, and animate them to the hope of immortality, that having risen above the concerns of this world, they may fix their thoughts entirely on God. Thus blessed with the sublime virtues of faith, hope and charity, and fortified by the helps. of religion, they will not only look at death without fear, since it is necessary, but will even welcome it, as it hastens their entrance into eternity.
Finally, we honour our parents, even after their death, by attending their funerals, procuring for them suitable obsequies and burial, having due suffrages and anniversary Masses offered for them, and faithfully executing their last wills.
Manner Of Honouring Other Superiors
We are bound to honour not only our natural parents, but also others who are called fathers, such as Bishops and priests, kings, princes and magistrates, tutors, guardians and masters, teachers, aged persons and the like, all of whom are entitled, some in a greater, some in a less degree, to share our love, our obedience, and our assistance.
The Honour Due To Bishops And Priests
Of Bishops and other pastors it is written: Let the priests that rule well be esteemed worthy of double honour especially they who labour in the word and doctrine.
What wondrous proofs of love for the Apostle must the Galatians have shown ! For he bears this splendid testimony of their benevolence: I bear you witness that if it could be done, you would hove plucked out your own eyes, and would have given them to me.
The priest is also entitled to receive whatever is necessary for his support. Who, says the Apostle, serveth as a soldier at his own charges? Give honour to the priests, it is written in Ecclesiasticus, and purify thyself with thy arms; give them their portion, as it is commanded thee, of the first fruits and of purifications.
The Apostle also teaches that they are entitled to obedience: Obey your prelates, and be subject to them; for they watch as being to render an account of your souls. Nay, more. Christ the Lord commands obedience even to wicked pastors: Upon the chair of Moses have sitten the scribes and Pharisees: all things, therefore, whatsoever they shall say to you, observe and do; but according to their works do ye not, for they say and do not.
The Honour Due To Civil Rulers
The same is to be said of civil rulers, governors, magistrates and others to whose authority we are subject. The Apostle in his Epistle to the Romans, explains at length the honour, respect and obedience that should be shown them, and he also bids us to pray for them. St. Peter says: Be ye subject, therefore, to every human creature for God's sake; whether it be to the king as excelling, or to governors as sent by him.
For whatever honour we show them is given to God, since exalted human dignity deserves respect because it is an image of the divine power, and in it we revere the providence of God who has entrusted to men the care of public affairs and who uses them as the instruments of His power.
If we sometimes have wicked and unworthy officials it is not their faults that we revere, but the authority from God which they possess. Indeed, while it may seem strange, we are not excused from highly honouring them even when they show themselves hostile and implacable towards us. Thus David rendered great services to Saul even when the latter was his bitter foe, and to this he alludes when he says: With them that hated peace I was peaceable.
However, should their commands be wicked or unjust, they should not be obeyed, since in such a case they rule not according to their rightful authority, but according to injustice and perversity.
'That Thou Mayest be Long-lived," etc.
Having explained the above matters, the pastor should next consider the reward promised to the observance of this Commandment and its appropriateness. That reward is great, indeed, for it consists principally in length of days. They who always preserve the grateful remembrance of a benefit deserve to be blessed with its prolonged enjoyment. Children, therefore, who honour their parents, and gratefully acknowledge the blessing of life received from them are deservedly rewarded with the protracted enjoyment of that life to an advanced age.
Reward Promised For Observance Of This Commandment
The (nature of the) divine promise also demands distinct explanation. It includes not only the eternal life of theblessed, but also the life which we lead on earth, according to the interpretation of St. Paul: Piety is profitable to all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come Many very holy men, it is true, such as Job, David, Paul, desired to die, and a long life is burdensome to the afflicted and wretched: but the reward which is here promised is, notwithstanding, neither inconsiderable, nor to be despised.
The additional words, which the Lord thy God will give thee, promise not only length of days, but also repose, tranquillity, and security to live well; for in Deuteronomy it is not only said, that thou mayest live a long time, but it is also added, and that it may be well with thee, words afterwards quoted by the Apostle.
Why This Reward Is Not Always Conferred On Dutiful Children
These blessings, we say, are conferred on those whose piety God rewards; otherwise the divine promises would not be fulfilled, since the more dutiful child is sometimes the more short lived.
Now this happens sometimes because it is better for him to depart from this world before he has strayed from the path of virtue and of duty; for he was taken away lest wickedness should alter his understanding, or deceit beguile his soul. Or because destruction and general upheaval are impending, he is called away that he may escape the calamities of the times. The just man, says the Prophet, is taken away from before the face of evil, lest his virtue and salvation be endangered when God avenges the crimes of men. Or else, he is spared the bitter anguish of witnessing the calamities of his friends and relations in such evil days. The premature death of the good, therefore, gives special reason for fear.
Punishment For Violation Of This Commandment
But if God promises rewards and blessings to grateful children, He also reserves the heaviest chastisements to punish those who are wanting in filial piety; for it is written: He that curseth his father or mother shall die the death: He that afflicteth his father and chaseth away his mother, is infamous and unhappy." He that curseth his father and mother, his lamp shall be put out in the midst of darkness: The eye that mocketh at his father, and that despiseth the labour of his mother in bearing him, let the ravens of the brooks pick it out, and the young eagles eat it. There are on record many instances of undutiful children, who were made the signal objects of the divine vengeance. The disobedience of Absalom to his father David did not go unpunished. On account of his sin he perished miserably, transfixed by three lances.
Of those who resist the priest it is written: He that will be proud, and refuse to obey the commandment of the priest, who ministereth at that time to the Lord thy God, by the decree of the judge, that man shall die.
Duties of Parents Towards their Children
As the law of God commands children to honour, obey, and respect their parents so are there reciprocal duties which parents owe to their children. Parents are obliged to bring up their children in the knowledge and practice of religion, and to give them the best rules for the regulation of their lives; so that, instructed and trained in religion, they may serve God holily and constantly. It was thus, as we read, that the parents of Susanna acted.
The priest, therefore, should admonish parents to be to their children guides in the virtues of justice, chastity, modesty and holiness.
Three Things To Be Avoided By Parents
He should also admonish them to guard particularly against three things, in which they but too often transgress.
In the first place, they are not by words or actions to exercise too much harshness towards their children. This is the instruction of St. Paul in his Epistle to the Colossians: Fathers, he says, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. For there is danger that the spirit of the child may be broken, and he become abject and fearful of everything. Hence (the pastor) should require parents to avoid too much severity and to choose rather to correct their children than to revenge themselves upon them.
Should a fault be committed which requires reproof and chastisement, the parent should not, on the other hand, by undue indulgence, overlook its correction. Children are often spoiled by too much lenity and indulgence on the part of their parents. The pastor, therefore, should deter from such excessive mildness by the warning example of Heli, the high-priest, who, on account of over-indulgence to his sons, was visited with the heaviest chastisements.
Finally, to avoid what is most shameful in the instruction and education of children, let them not propose to themselves aims that are unworthy. Many there are whose sole concern is to leave their children wealth, riches and an ample and splendid fortune; who encourage them not to piety and religion, or to honourable employment, but to avarice, and an increase of wealth, and who, provided their children are rich and wealthy, are regardless of their good name and eternal salvation. Can anything more shameful be thought or expressed?
Of such parents it is true to say, that instead of bequeathing wealth to their children, they leave them rather their own wickedness and crimes for an inheritance; and instead of conducting them to heaven, lead them to the eternal torments of hell.
The priest, therefore, should impress on the minds of parents salutary principles and should exhort them to imitate the virtuous example of Tobias, that having properly trained up their children to the service of God and to holiness of life, they may, in turn, experience at their hands abundant fruit of filial affection, respect and obedience.
Moral Theology - McHugh and Callan
2631. Compensation of Children.--A child, even though subject to parental authority, seems to have a right to compensation for extraordinary services given his parents, and also to at least a fair commission for gains made in the course of extraordinary services for which he is receiving no compensation. In their wills, after satisfying just debts and expenses, parents should leave their offspring who need it enough to maintain their state in life.
2633. Duties of Children.--The duties of children to their parents can also be classed under those of charity and piety.
(a) Duties of Charity.--Children owe their parents a special internal and external love (see 1176 sqq.). Those children sin gravely who hate their parents or wish them serious evil, or who treat them with great unkindness or neglect, or bring them great sorrow or worry, or who never visit or write to them.
(b) Duties of Piety.--Children must respect and assist their parents (see 2347, 2348). It is a serious sin to have contempt for one's parents, or to show them serious dishonor in words (e.g., by injurious or mocking names), in signs (e.g., by laughing at them, mimicking them), in deeds (e.g., by striking them, speaking against them), in omission (e.g., by refusing to acknowledge them or show them the usual marks of courtesy). It is not disrespect, however, for a child to dislike or protest against evils done by his parents. The assistance owed to parents is both spiritual and corporal, and children sin when they neglect the religious welfare of their parents (e.g., by not respectfully admonishing them when the parents do not lead a good life, by not obtaining for them the Sacraments, prayers and suffrages they need), or deny them bodily aid (e.g., by refusing them help or comfort when they are poor, persecuted, or suffering). Children who live at home with their parents should contribute from their earnings or individual property to the maintenance of the home, unless the parents do not need this pay and do not wish it. See Catechism of the Council of Trent, on the Fourth Commandment (pages 408 sqq.).
2636. Duties of Subjects.--The general duties of subjects to superiorsare chiefly honor and obedience (see 2351 sqq.).
(a) Honor.--Honor is owed to superiors on account of their position of authority, which is derived from God, not on account of their personal character, for personally they may be wicked. It is disrespectful even in a democracy to deny them the honorable address, salutation or courtesy which is customary, or to treat them insultingly by word, manner or writing. But it is not disrespectful to disagree with the personal views of a superior or to seek legitimately his removal from office if he is unfit or less fit.
(b) Obedience.--Obedience is owed to superiors and their laws when they strictly command what is not sinful or illegal or outside their authority (see 375 sqq.). Unemancipated children are obliged to obey their parents in all that falls under the parental authority, namely, in what pertains to good morals (e.g., attendance at religious duties, avoidance of bad companions) or the good order of the home (e.g., the hours for meals, the time of retiring, the visitors to be received). But parents have no authority to command fraud or other sin; nor are children under subjection in the matter of taking up a state of life, for this demands liking and fitness, and the command of a superior cannot give liking and fitness. It is a serious sin for parents to force a child to take up religious life or the priesthood, or to marry a certain individual; but a child should yield when his parents are reasonably opposed to his choice of a vocation, as when they need his support, or wish him to test his vocation a little, or know that the person selected for wife will disgrace the family.
2802. Duties of the Pastor in the Examination of Engaged Persons.--(a)He should question both the man and the woman separately and prudently about their freedom to marry, even though he is certain that there are no impediments. He should inquire especially whether there has been a previous marriage, and should also ask specifically about any impediment that seems likely. About impediments of a defamatory kind he should not interrogate before others, leaving that matter if necessary to his doctrinal instruction or to the confessor. (b) He should ask both of them, and especially the woman, whether they have decided on marriage freely, without force or pressure from any person. But children who live with their parents should be asked whether or not they have obtained their parents' consent to the proposed marriage.
Handbook of Moral Theology - Prummer
Art. 2. Property Rights of Children
246. DEFlNITIONS. It is customary to distinguish between children who have not yet completed their seventh year (infants), children below the age of legal puberty-for boys the age of fourteen, for girls the age of twelve-minors who have not yet attained their majority as determined by civil law (normally the age of twenty-one), persons who have attained their majority, and emancipated minors who enjoy by privilege the rights of those attaining their majority.
NOTE. The following principles apply to legitimate children and to children who have been made legitimate, but not to illegitimate children.
KINDS OP PROPERTY. Ancient Roman law made the following distinctions in referring to the property of children: a) bona castrensia ; b) quasi-eastrensia; c) adventitia; d) profectitia. These distinctions arc now obsolete and have been replaced by the following: goods which are free and goods which are not free.
247· GENERAL RULES.
No injustice is committed if a person on attaining his majority (or after his emancipation) retains for himself everything that he has acquired lawfully, after deducting whatever his parents require for his maintenance. This is the common opinion.
A minor living away from the home of his parents does not sin against justice by retaining his own salary. This is usually stated in modern codes of law.
It is not contrary to justice for a minor living under the parental roof but receiving a salary for work performed outside that home to keep for himself what remains after paying the expenses of his maintenance. This is valid, unless the civil law declares that his salary belongs to his parents.
A minor living and working at home seems to offend against justice if he steals from the household goods anything which is not required for his own reasonable maintenance.
A sin against the virtue of piety is committed by any children of a family who cause undue suffering to their parents through withholding some of their possessions.
The Virtues of Piety, Reverence and Obedience-the Fourth Commandment
CHAPTER I. PIETY
456. DEFINITION. The Latin word pietas is used in three different senses:
1. for religion or divine worship, in which sense it is found used in I Tim. iv, 8: "Holiness (pietas) is all-availing, since it promises well both for this. life and for the next";
2. for kindness and mercy, so that God and .the Saints are referred to as "pii": "A gracious and a merciful God" (Eccles. Ii, 13) ;
3. for that rnoral virtue whereby man honours his parents and his country as the principles ofhis existence. It is in this sense that piety is defined by St. Thomas: "Piety consists in a profession of charity for parents and country" (S.T. II II, q. 101, a. 3, ad I). There are two acts proceeding from the virtue: loyalty and reverence towards parents :and country as joint prin~iples orour existence. Consequently the basis and motive of piety is the close union existing between those Wlited by blood or country.-Piety is a distinct virtue since it possesses its own object and motive, as is evident from previous remarks.
457. SINS opposed to piety are specifically distinct sins from those which offend against charity or justice. Therefore they must be given distinct attention in confession; thus, for example, to strike one's own father and to strike another man are specifically distinct sins. Any offence contrary to piety between those who are distantly related to each other, such as hatred or blows, is an aggravating circumstance which does not change the moral species of the sin.
Piety towards one's country can be violated both by excess and by defect. Excess is shown in this virtue by those who cultivate excessive nationalism in word and deed with consequent injury to other nations; the virtue is violated by defect by those who boast that their attitude is cosmopolitan and adopt as their motto the old pagan saying: ubi bene, ibi patria.
NOTE. The virtue of piety is violated only when parents or children are injured in their personal possessions-for instance, in their body, honour, good name - but not in those goods which depend on chance; such sins are not so serious as similar ones committed against those who are not related, since goods which depend on chance are to some extent the common property of relatives.
458. DEFINITION. Reverence is the virtue which inclines man to show worship and honour for persons who enjoy some dignity. There are three forms of reverence depending on three forms of dignity:
a) civil reverence displayed towards civil dignitaries, such as the king or a commander or national hero;
b) religious reverence due to ecclesiastical dignitaries, such as the Pope, a bishop, or a priest ;
c) supernatural reverence reserved for the Saints on account of their supernatural virtues (dulia). Reverence is a distinct virtue having its own specific object and motive; the acts which proceed from this virtue are reverence and obedience.
SINS contrary to reverence are disobedience and lack of reverence towards those deserving of reverence. Such sins are less serious than those against piety which is the source of a more compelling union and obligation
CHAPTER III. OBEDIENCE
459. DEFINITION. Obedience is the moral virtue which inclines the will to comply with the will of another who commands. Such is the definition given by St. Thomas. There are two types of obedience: material obedience which is the mere physical fulfillment of a commanded act, and formal obedience which consists in doing some act precisely because it is commanded by a superior.
The extent of obedience is as wide as the authority of the person commanding. Thus obedience to God knows no limit, whereas obedience to men is limited
a) by higher law which must not be transgressed by commands issued by superiors to their subjects, and
b) by the limited competency of superiors.
Obedience is a noble virtue since it sacrifices to God a noble good, viz. the will of the individual.
460. SINS contrary to obedience are,
a) by excess: servility or indiscriminate obedience which is prepared to obey even in unlawful matters;
b) by defect: disobedience, which is either material-the violation of any virtue-or formal-formal contempt for the command or for the person commanding. Formal contempt of the command is a grave sin which admits of slight matter, but formal contempt of the person commanding is always and in all circumstances a grave sin since it involves grave harm not only to the superior but also to God in whose place the superior stands.
CHAPTER IV. PIETY, REVERENCE AND OBEDIENCE AS PRACTISED BY PARENTS, CHILDREN AND OTHERS
461. 1. THE OBLIGATION OF CHILDREN TOWARDS THEIR PARENTS.
Children are bound to show a) love, b) reverence, c) obedience towards their parents. This threefold obligation is of its nature serious. The love which is due must be both affective and effective.
Reverence must be evident in word, deed and sign. Obedience must be shown to parents in everything which is part of their care. It is difficult to determine what constitutes grave matter in the violation of due obedience. However, if the act of disobedience is the cause of notable harm to parents or to child, the sin is certainly grave. There are two limits to be placed to the obedience due to parents even in lawful matters: I) one of duration, in so far as the duty ceases once the child after attaining his tnajority or emancipation begins to live away from the parental home; b) in the choice of a state of life, and therefore even minors are free to choose in this matter and parents commit sin by compelling their children to embrace any particular state of life.
462. 2. DUTIES OF PARENTS TOWARDS THEIR CHILDREN.
Parents are obliged to love their children and to provide for their physical and spiritual education.1
The love that they are bound to show must be both affective and effective so that parents must not only avoid all hatred and ill-will but also wish their children well, act well in their regard and help them in their need.
The physical education of children requires that parents should sedulously protect their bodily welfare from the moment of their conception. Thus a pregnant mother should avoid everything which threatens to harm the foetus; parents commit sin if they do not provide for their children sufficient food, clothing, shelter, or who neglect their medical care when they are ill, who do not trouble whether their children obtain a suitable state in life.
The spiritual education of children is most necessary as the means of fostering their eternal salvation. Thus they must take especial care that their children are baptized without delay, that they grow accustomed to works of religion and piety not only by words of encouragement but more especially by the example of their parents, that they are sent to good schools.
463. DUTIES OF THE MARRIED.
There are certain duties which are 11lulllal and others which are peculiar to husband or wife.
a) The following obligations are mutual:
i) mutual love both affective and effective;
ii) the rendering of the marriage debt;
iii) life in common (mutual companionship).
b) The husband is obliged
i) as head of the family to guide his wife, children and servants;
ii) to provide for his wife and family sufficient food, clothing and maintenance;
iii) to administer family property wisely.
c) The wife is obliged:
i) to show due obedience to her husband;
ii) to pay careful attention to the home and to the education of her children.
464. SCHOLIUM. THE EMANCIPATION OF WOMEN. Although this question does not fall within the province of the virtue of piety, however since it affects relationships between husband and wife it may be useful to mentiona few points which moral theologians ought to keep in mind regarding this question which is agitating the minds of men and States to-day.
1. SO far as their souls, supernatural grace, and destiny are concerned, men and women are equal.
2.Although in general woman is weaker than man in her physical and intellectual powers, nevertheless there are many women who can do exactly the same work as men. Therefore there is nothing in the work itself to prevent such works and duties being given to capable women, such as the office of doctor, teacher, etc.
3. God created woman as man's helper and formed her from Adam's rib; furthermore He has excluded her from the priesthood. All this would seem to indicate clearly that it was never God's intention for complete equality to exist between man and woman. Therefore the radical emancipation of women and their complete equality with men seem to be alien to the Creator's intention.
4. A woman's chief duty is care for the home and therefore any form of emancipation which disrupts family life must be rejected.
5. So far as Catholicism is concerned, there is nothing to prevent (at least in itself) capable women from possessing the right to vote even in political matters. But it is an entirely different question whether any useful purpose is served either in respect of the State or Church by granting women the right to vote in any particular district.
465. 4. DUTIES OF MASTERS AND SERVANTS.
...
466. 5. DUTIES OF TEACHERS AND PUPILS.
...
467. 6. DUTIES OF RULERS AND THEIR SUBJECTS.
a) Rulers must strenuously pursue legal, distributive and vindictive justice.
b) Their subjects are bound
i) to show reverence, obedience and loyalty towards their rulers;
ii) to elect good representatives;
iii) to pay just taxes;
iv) in certain circumstances to render military service.
Subjects must obey their rulers in all lawful matters in which their rulers have the right to command. It is always forbidden to rebel against a lawful ruler, even if he is a tyrant. However passive resistance is permitted in certain circumstances, when his demands are unjust. In itself it is a grave sin against legal justice to elect bad representatives for government, since the voters themselves must be held responsible in part for the harm caused to the State by such representatives. But there may be excusing causes which permit the choice of such persons. Thus, for instance, a worker would be justified in voting for a bad representative if otherwise he would lose his post and be unable to find another. He is also permitted to elect a bad representative in preference to one who is worse, which may frequently occur in so-called second ballots. The reason which permits a person to cast his vote for this evil candidate is that such a vote is no more than material co-operation in another's sin.
Update February 10, 2023
There was some discussion as to whether or not I have correctly understood Fr. Prummer's statement (see below).
461 … There are two limits to be placed to the obedience due to parents even in lawful matters: I) one of duration, in so far as the duty ceases once the child after attaining his majority or emancipation begins to live away from the parental home; b) in the choice of a state of life, and therefore even minors are free to choose in this matter and parents commit sin by compelling their children to embrace any particular state of life. ... (Handbook of Moral Theology – Prummer)
This is how I parse this statement:
- Duty <of obedience> ceases
- once the child
- after attaining his majority or emancipation
- begins to live away from the parental home
Meaning that until the Adult child leaves the parental home, they are still bound by obedience, the scope of which is somewhat to be determined.
In opposition to this was presented the following from the work of Fr. Cogan: A Brief Catechism for Adults - 1951.
3. How long is a child obliged to obey his parents? Until approximately the 21st birthday, or until he or she leaves home to be married or to become a priest or sister. (A Brief Catechism for Adults by Fr. William J. Cogan. Page 140)
So the thought that an Adult Child living in the home of their parents can 'thumb their nose' at the parents without regard to their wishes or actual orders to maintain order in the house seemed nonsensical to me.
So, I did some further research and, oddly found that the Cathechism of the Catholic Church agrees with Fr. Prummer.
2217 As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."22 Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.So, what we have is a line of continuity in thought between Prummer (1955) and the CCC (1992) and a discontinuity with Fr. Cogan (1951). McHugh and Callan were silent on the situation of an Adult Child still living at home and an earlier text focused on the British legal context (Slater 1925). So I went to look at another moral theology text by Fr. Heribert Jone (1961). This is what I found:
As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a4.htm
Article 199, Chapter 1 Duties in a Family, Sub-Article 3: Obedience in all lawful matters which relate to their training or to domestic order. (page 127)
Disobedience is a grievous sin if it concerns an important matter and the parents have given a real command. In educational matters the obligation of obedience lasts until the children come of age. Minors may not, therefore, undertake certain work or enlist in the army against the will of their parents. But in the choice of their vocation they are free. Even adult children, as long as they stay at home, must obey in all things necessary for domestic order, e.g., to return home at a reasonable hour at night. Before marrying, children should consult their parents. But even if they do not follow the sensible advice of their parents they generally commit only a venial sin. (Moral Theology by Fr. Heribert Jone, 1961.
So we have a continuity in thought between Fr. Prummer (1951), Fr. Jone (1961) and the CCC (1992) and an explicit discontinuity with Fr. Cogan (1951). What does this mean? As we know understanding of doctrine can be deepened with time and thought. Fr. Cogan's thought reflects an earlier point in time after which there was some more 'maturity' concerning the state of adult children living in their parent's home. I am particularly happy that I had a copy of Jone's text as it adds clarity on the scope of the authority that remains with the parent in this situation.
My conclusion is that yes once children reach their age of majority, they are regarded as adults etc. However, in order to fully slip the surly bonds of obedience to their parents they need to put that 'emancipation' /adult into action and become independent by leaving the family home.
P^3
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